Frustration.
Disappointment.
Two words to describe the feelings I hold at this very moment.
Sometimes I think I’m a person who expects too much from someone. But sometimes, after talking to people I realize I don’t ask for much. Loyalty, honesty, & respect. That’s about it. You made me the way I am from the words you said. I’d like to think the most important person in my life would be there when needed. I’d throw away all my money (even though it’s not much) just to be with you if you were in dire need of me. Yes, I know you’ve proved to me under circumstances you’d throw away an opportunity to spend time with me but would that hold up when I needed you? Why is it that all of a sudden I’m feeling selfish and possessive? I’ve never had to feel this way but with you, it’s like I have to feel this way. It’s a shitty feeling to ever apprehend. I’ve never trusted someone as much as I trust you. I’m going through a rough patch; friends disappearing by the second, school approaching by the minute. Maybe I thought even though we just spent three amazing nights together, that I’d have you for most of the week. I assumed all of this, it never occurred to me that you’d have any of your friends staying over. This is my fault. I’ve become anti-social when I’m with you; I let this happen. At this point, I know it’s sad but I’m more focused on finding a distraction for most of the week when I won’t have alone time with you. I guess at the end of this post, I’ve realized it’s not you I need but I need to just seclude myself and crawl into a hole for much of the week.
I’m just so fed up of this frustration. I’m just trying to enjoy my time with you before I begin probably the most hectic school schedule of my life. Top it off with the importance every class holds this semester and my need for cash, I don’t see much, if any time we’ll spend together. Somehow I feel as if this week would have been my goodbye to the only thing I’ve known for so long. Guess some things have to be let go of faster than others. I just wish I could have cherished our last time alone together much more.
-ACS
